he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
