Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
