Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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