didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just tell him i said nine months
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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