I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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