apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
