my sisters under your porch take her home
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I had to cum in my sink.
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