she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
