He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
