Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize