last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
