Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
