If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
