I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
