OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it's like iHOP with fire
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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