My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize