From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
