Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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