wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
