they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
