It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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