Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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