I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I lost the right to judge tonight
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
