I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I will pee on everything he values.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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