it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
