he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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