I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
