Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
