I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What a fucking waste of an outfit
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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