I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
