why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
