Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
