You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
