you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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