she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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