I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
