If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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