Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
