Can i not drive my cunt home
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
How naked do you want me to be?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
