i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
