On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
