I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize