I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
