chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
