Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
