in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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