i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
