Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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