My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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