is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
