The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
