I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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