i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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