we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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