It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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