she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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