if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Someone signed my nipple.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
