I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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