The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize