Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize