remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You work out of a Hotel?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
