bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Found your dick twin last night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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