well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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