your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
