names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize