I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
