did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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